I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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