cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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