can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
