Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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