It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
