And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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