I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
