in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
