I cannot find my penis.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
