i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
