I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
