I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
