You don't have asthma, your pregnant
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
