y did u give ur computer a hand job?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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