I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
