meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
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Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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