??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
where am i from again
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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