so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
