I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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