so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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