You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
