I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
