I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
