Someone shit on the floor
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
