You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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