a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
