I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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