Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
