saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
