i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
