I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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