u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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