I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
