I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
