Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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