Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
