i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
