Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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