She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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