I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
Youāre about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them Iām an artist.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for āteacher / parent conferences.ā A couple more āconferencesā and Iāll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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