it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
