You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
