forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
