I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
