Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
