Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
