my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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