How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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