So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
