Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
