turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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