please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
