Just fell off a train. Bad.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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