at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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