last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
