It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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