Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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