you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
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Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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