Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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