Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
