He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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