I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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