Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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