Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize