apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
