Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
