Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
