We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize