can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm passing your future prison.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
