yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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