my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
