I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
