my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
