God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
