i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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