i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
