I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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