is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
