Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
