So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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